


Keep Me Safe

by orphan_account



Series: Asexual Wolves [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nogitsune Trauma, PTSD, Queerplatonic Relationships, Service Dogs, Wolf Derek, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 05:29:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1767226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles isn't doing so well anymore.<br/>Even with the Nogitsune no longer in the picture, he isn't even doing decent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Me Safe

Stiles isn't doing so well anymore. 

Even with the Nogitsune no longer in the picture, he isn't even doing decent. 

He isn't sleeping. He tries, despite what everyone seems to think. He tries and he'll get right along the edge of sleep and then he can hear its whispers in his head, "let me in", and then Stiles says 'goodbye' to the thought of sleep because then that's all he can think about. How he let himself be manipulated into handing over control, how it's his fault that so many innocent people died. 

He has panic attacks every time he leaves the house. Everything out there reminds him of something. Whether it's something the Nogitsune did, someone the Nogitsune hurt, or something the Nogitsune showed him while he was locked inside his own head, everything goes back to the Nogitsune. The one time he managed to force himself out of the house, it took all of thirty seconds to see a deputy's widowed wife and he sprinted back inside and straight into his closet, burrowing in the nest of blankets that has slowly built up. 

His dad doesn't push it. Stiles knows that his dad gets that what happened was huge and that he doesn't want to push too much too fast and end up with Stiles in worse shape than before. But sometimes when it gets bad Stiles can't help but think that it's because his father is afraid of him instead of for him. 

Stiles can't even be left alone inside the house anymore. He called his dad twenty minutes after he left for his first late shift in weeks, utterly convinced that it was upstairs. He couldn't breathe, swore to god that it was yelling at him, that there were metal teeth biting into his leg. He isn't sure when the hallucinations started, but they don't seem to be going anywhere. When his dad found out about them, he tried to insist that Stiles should get a therapist, worried that Stiles had PTSD, it was understandable after all, but Stiles refused. It wasn't like he could tell anyone that he had been possessed by an evil Japanese spirit, he didn't trust Morell or Deaton enough to discuss his mental health with them. Stiles suffers in silence. 

Scott is over more days than not, but True Alpha or not, he's still a teenager. Stiles gets it, doesn't hold it against him when he chooses to go on dates with Kira over watching Stiles. Stiles wouldn't want to be around himself anyway if he were Scott. Stiles did, after all, kill Scott's first love. It was understandable, he fakes smiles, acts like he can't feel the ghost of bandages around his throat and wrists, waves jauntily when Scott leaves. 

Then he hides in his closet until he hears his dad get home. 

Stiles goes downstairs one day and finds a wolf curled up on his couch. He almost has an honest to god heart attack (he's a lot easier to startle these days), but the wolf doesn't move. It takes Stiles a few minutes of panicked staring before he connects this wolf with the wolf his dad mentioned this morning before he left for work, he takes sleeping pills to help him sleep, but only when he desperately needs it. They leave him trapped in nightmares all through the night, but at least he wakes up slow enough to strangle the screams before they crawl out of his throat, they also make it hard for him to think straight for hours after he wakes up. 

"Derek?" he asks hesitantly, just in case he made up the conversation with his dad, but the wolf nods, happily trotting over to where Stiles is still standing frozen in the doorway. Stiles remains suspicious for a few moments because he doesn't think he's ever seen Derek move 'happily' at all ever, but he decides to let it slide away, just this once. Derek's fur is soft under his hand, it's nice. He doesn't say that though, just makes his way cautiously over to the kitchen to hopefully eat something substantial before his stomach rebels. 

Derek seems to pick up on his hesitation, but unlike Scott or Stiles' dad, he doesn't urge Stiles along faster (Stiles knows that they think they're helping, but he can't bring himself to tell them that the 'face your fears head on' technique isn't really working out for him). Instead he makes his way into the kitchen in front of him, and turns on the light, when Stiles makes it inside, he sees Derek sniffing every corner before he settles down in the middle of the room. 

Stiles has been grateful to Derek for so many things, saving his life more than once being the most prominent. For some reason though, this seems to carry more weight. Stiles doesn't really get it, and chooses to not think too hard on it. Instead he makes pancakes for the first time in what feels like forever, his life has been too stressful this past year to waste it on pancakes, and sets a plate on the floor for Derek. It feels weird, a little demeaning, but Derek looks excited as hell and gives a yip before digging in.

Stiles laughs so hard he almost drops his pancakes. 

-

They don't do much after that. Stiles picks up the plates and washes them and then meets Derek on the couch. The wolf keeps a respectable distance, but progressively gets closer as the cartoon goes on until he's practically in Stiles' lap, with Stiles' hand buried in his fur. 

Stiles isn't really sure what to do with this cuddly, happy version of Derek, but he knows at least that he likes it. There's none of the usual pressure to keep up his previous happy facade with Derek there, he can't really relax either, but that doesn't have anything to do with Derek. He hasn't been able to relax since he and the Nogitsune separated, but he gets close to relaxing, now. 

His dad comes home and is blatantly shocked by what he finds. His mouth hangs open for several seconds at the sight of Derek in wolf form sprawled over Stiles, who has a hand loosely tangled in his fur, eyes half open as they watch TV. He quickly shuffles out, afraid to shatter the tranquility of the room. Derek of course notices that the Sheriff is home, despite how Stiles doesn't seem to, but doesn't move except to press closer to Stiles, who huffs out a small laugh and wraps his arms around the wolf. 

Eventually though, the Sheriff comes back in and settles down in the arm chair. Stiles doesn't have much of a reaction, his heart rate ratchets up slightly, like he's afraid that the Sheriff is going to say something about his current position. But when he doesn't, Stiles gradually relaxes until he falls asleep on his own for the first time in weeks. 

-

Derek doesn't really go home. 

Stiles doesn't know what happened, it isn't like Derek can speak in this form, but all of Stiles' attempts at yes or no questions were met with shifty glances or flat out retreat. Stiles stopped pushing after it was obvious that Derek wasn't going to share, but the curiosity hasn't dwindled. Stiles is doing better with him there though, so he sort of feels like he owes it to Derek to just stay out of it. 

He isn't perfect, he isn't close to how he was before, but he's better. He's sleeping more than he was, and while the nightmares haven't gone away, Derek wakes him up as soon as he hears Stiles' heart start to speed up in distress. When Stiles starts to panic because he isn't sure if he's real, isn't positive that this isn't some dream the Nogitsune cooked up to keep him occupied while the spirit wreaked havoc on the world, Derek is there to help ground him. Helps him count his fingers until he's positive that he's awake. 

Stiles doesn't know what he did to deserve this, but he sure as hell isn't complaining one bit. 

Alright, just a little bit. But just because he wants to have Derek with him in his human form. His wolf form is more emotive, softer around the edges than the human Derek seems to be, and it makes the situation feel vaguely surreal. Stiles just wants the reassurance that human Derek cares about him just as much as wolf Derek seems to. 

-

Scott comes over one day and Derek and the Sheriff leave. 

Stiles is a little curious about why, but he keeps it to himself and settles for staring suspiciously at Scott, who gets increasingly uncomfortable, but refuses to spill. Eventually Stile gives up, but only to retaliate by refusing to let Scott have any of the leftover muffins.

The Sheriff and Derek get back late in the afternoon. Stiles hovers around the Sheriff, asking questions, until Derek strolls in.

Wearing a Service Dog vest.

Stiles doesn't really know how to react. He stands there and stares, long enough that Derek starts to fidget and the Sheriff starts to apologize.

"You think this will help?" Stiles asks finally, tearing his eyes away from the blue vest to look at his dad, who nods tentatively. Stiles glances back to Derek, who snuffles around his hand hopefully before heading over to the door. Stiles almost bites through his lip, but he takes the proffered leash in a white knuckled grip and opens the door hesitantly.

He manages five minutes and gets all the way to the end of his street before he runs home. 

It's small and pitiful to him, but it still tastes like progress.

-

It's roughly a month after Derek first showed up when Stiles wakes up to Derek's very human arms wrapped around him from behind. When he shuffles around sleepily until he's facing the man, he catches Derek's eye before the wolf's grey-green eyes dart away and he nervously asks if it's alright. 

His voice sounds rough and raw from under use and Stiles can't hold back the grin and eye roll before he affirms that of course it's okay.

When Stiles is finally ready to get up, they pad downstairs as per usual, holding hands instead of having Stiles' hand on Derek's head. Derek clings to Stiles from behind while Stiles makes waffles, and when they're done, Derek scoots his chair over until he's pressed against Stiles' side. When they finish eating, he resumes his position as Stiles' human cape until they make it to the couch and take up their usual sprawled out position. 

Stiles notes that Derek is being clingier than usual, and while he doesn't comment on it, he can't help but come to the conclusion that Derek needed just as much reassurance about their relationship as Stiles did. 

That realization doesn't make Stiles any less anxious when nighttime rolls around. He can't shake the feeling that Derek shifted back to spend one last day with Stiles before taking off because he thinks that Stiles can cope on his own now. But when Stiles hesitantly says that he's going upstairs, Derek gets up with him and holds the edge of Stiles' tshirt as they walk up the stairs together. Stiles lets out a long sigh of relief, and if the Sheriff has anything to say about the now fully human man going to sleep with his teenaged son, he doesn't. 

-

There isn't anything remotely sexual or romantic about it.

Stiles is still waking up screaming from nightmares, occasionally hallucinating a bandaged wrapped figure in the corners of his eyes, and is barely able to leave his house on a good day. Derek has his own pile of traumas that remain untouched despite Stiles' offers to help. Neither of them are in any sort of place to have that type of relationship. 

But the constant touching (because neither of them get very far without the other one farther than arm's length away), cuddling, grounding, sleeping together, hand holding, snuggling, chaste kisses on the forehead, casual scent marking, and general codependency seems like too much for any old friendship. Derek opts for just leaving a label out of it, no one really seems to care about it beyond the fact that they're both doing better with the other's companionship, but Stiles isn't one to just let things go. He spends what feels like ages looking things up until he finds the "perfect word" (Queerplatonic Partners) to describe them. Then he can just let himself bask in the overall greatness that is their relationship (and the way that he can now sarcastically call Derek 'partner' in a southern accent) and his slowly returning sanity.

They're still together years later. Stiles went back to high school, Derek, in his wolf form and his blue vest, at his side, and then onto college. They opened a bookstore together that sells all sorts of mythological and supernatural books, various members of the pack take shifts there as well because Stiles and Derek are still practically attached at the hip and can't take a break from each other long enough to sort the shelves _and_  help customers. 

Neither of them are operating at full capacity. Stiles still has moments where he has to check that he's awake, either by counting his fingers or grabbing the nearest book, and Derek shuffles uncomfortably around women who get too close to him, blonde women in particular. They both have to rouse each other from the now much rarer nightmares, and on bad days when neither of them are feeling up to leaving, they stay in their apartment in their bed and only move to get food or use the restroom.

They're not perfect but what they have damn near is.  

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I used a lot of parenthesis here.  
> People always have those long beautiful works where they go into details and they're so much fun to read but I apparently do not have that kind of determination or patience.  
> Stiles does a lot of baking in this too, I'm not even sure how that happened...


End file.
